Just A Pretty Pot?

Several years ago, I purchased a large planter pot. The pot is 24 inches high, and 24 inches wide. It is a very pretty pot. It is covered with flowers and exotic birds. Guests in my home have commented, “what a pretty pot.”  I had envisioned growing a large palm tree plant in it and having it adorn a corner in my living room. After getting the palm tree plant and putting it in the pot I noticed that the plant sat too low in the depth of the pot for it to get adequate light. I used several ways to elevate the plant so that it could get light, but they detracted from the attractiveness of the pot. Someone coming close and looking down into the pot would see the awful disarray inside the pretty pot. I have now moved the pretty pot to our office space at The WELL Place where it sits empty in a corner.

I was wondering out loud with my 30-year-old daughter about how to make use of the pretty pot. My daughter commented that “maybe being pretty IS its purpose. You should leave it alone and let it sit in the corner and just look pretty.” Some women think their purpose in life is to be and stay pretty. Models make their livelihood from being and staying pretty. I have heard many a story of the stress and struggles models endure to stay camera and runway ready. Some women see prettiness as a quest, and they pursue it daily. Social media is flooded with images of women trying to make themselves pretty, from overdone makeup, over-the-top hairstyles, to provocative clothing, the focus is on the exterior. The number of Instagram followers and YouTube video subscribers attest to the appeal of the pretty face. For them, being just a pretty face is enough.

Just A Pretty Pot?

But for me, my pretty pot is like the woman who hasn’t found her life’s purpose. The woman who feels that prettiness is only a superficial quality and not who she is as a person. This woman seeks to be and do more. We probably have the shared experience of being attracted to a pretty face only to find out that the face was the full extent of the appeal. The person lacked more substantive qualities such as being smart, athletic, honorable, being more. Dr. Harriet Lerner, writes in her article, Do Pretty Women Have an Edge in Finding Love and Happiness? that “appearance goes way beyond our immutable physical characteristics. Our attractiveness to others is powerfully influenced by our confidence, warmth, character, intelligence, personality, spirit and style, as well as more elusive "vibes" that can't be named. How a woman feels about herself, and how she conducts her life comes through.” Terri Cheney, writes about her struggle to be pretty. “I was once a clueless child, trying to color myself pretty. I’ve learned enough to ask, what is the point of pretty, anyway? The mirror and I debate this all the time. Pretty, for me at least, means safe. If I’m pretty, I think people will be kind to me—or more importantly, they won’t actively harm me. They will help me if I’m in trouble. They will come to my rescue. No princess was ever not pretty.”  Cheney concludes her article by referring to her God-given beauty. “Pretty would be nice, and yes, it pleases the eye. But beauty lasts forever, and it captures the soul.”

Cheney writes that beauty “captures the soul”. Beauty is deeper, more substantive than prettiness. Beauty is visceral, it reflects the person’s inner finer qualities and thinking. Beauty is between you and the mirror, not the opines of another person or the obscure “them “and “they”. When a woman is conscious of her inner beauty, her prettiness becomes irrelevant. According to the Psychology Today article, a woman’s self-perception can affect her well-being. Studies show a strong correlation between negative self-perception of appearance and depression. A Psychology Today survey of their readers found that those who were most critical of their physical appearance were by far the most unhappy.

Finding a purpose for my pretty pot will transform it into a beautiful pot, from my perspective, just for me. Others may still view it as just a pretty pot but because I have found its purpose it has become beautiful to me. Dicitionary.com defines purpose as “the reason for which something exists or is done, made, used, etc.” Dr. Steven Stosny writes that “the purpose of life lies in what you choose to make important. A sense of purpose is pursuit of what is important to you.” As I seek to find a purpose for my pretty pot that will transform it into a beautiful pot, I will instinctively be drawn to those uses that seem important to me. This is also true in life. In finding your purpose you must know what’s important to you, stay true to it and not become distracted. In my blog titled “Your Route to Well-Being: Five Essentials for The Journey”, I cite Sense of Self – Knowing who you are, and Determination – Staying the course, as essentials for achieving well-being. Finding and pursuing your life’s purpose, with steadfast determination can improve your well-being. It can make your life beautiful. Go, Find, and Pursue your purpose. Be Beautiful.

PS. If you have ideas of how I can transform my pretty pot into a beautiful pot with purpose let me know in the comments or email me at info@thewellplaceilm.org .